#WomenIAdmire 2

It's another Wednesday. Yipeeee! At the Ville, Wednesdays are for celebrating #WomenIAdmire . A lot of times we tend to admire women who we most likely know remotely; not on a personal level but stories about them or their works inspires us, hence our admiration for them.

I hope however to through these series, open our eyes to women around us who may not be well known around the world or even make it to the list of  'Who is Who' but still their works, ethics and values are indeed worthy of emulation. I first wrote about the #WomenIAdmire here and today, I bring to you the story of yet another person who I not only know personally but is in fact related to me.

                                             At an aunt's 70th birthday

                                                       

This cousin of mine is someone who as far as I can remember is one with a truly restless spirit as I have since come to realise is characteristic of creative people. Always looking for something to do and creating things with her hands. This is however not even the reason I am celebrating her today and singing her praises to high heavens. Rather, it is the way she has made freshly squeezed, chilled and refreshing lemonade which she is enjoying on her own terms, from the lemons life has dealt her.

I first caught a glimpse of the strength of steel she possessed when she had to wait out for a little over a year before she could get into law school at the time as there was a huge backlog of law students then more than the law schools could admit. During this period, she remained unfazed and chose instead to plunge herself into something meaningful; beading and made money from it.

                                                            Photo Credit: Google Images

Fast forward to many years later, she got married at an age we may consider late this side of the globe and then had to be in God's waiting room for 4 years. Eventually, God answered her prayers and as it's typical of every first time parents, herself and her husband celebrated the first birthday of this long awaited precious daughter of theirs. Two weeks after the remarkable event, life happened. Her husband of about 5 years, the one whom she believed and trusted God for when every cousin, friend and associate were getting married and she was continually poked with the question,

 "When are we coming for yours?" died in a ghastly car accident. You will think that is the end of the story but no, few months after his death, she discovered she was pregnant with yet another child. A lot for one woman you might say, but this simply amazing cousin of mine took it all well in her stride. In the first year of his passing on, she almost died herself what with the loss, caring for a toddler and being pregnant again. A year after, she rose from it all like the mythical phoenix and has since chosen to soar high like an eagle.

She immediately took to something else aside from her banking job to help her heal and this solace she found in the world of food. No she didn't take to eating till the point off tipping over the scales, rather she went on to train as an international chef, fulfilling yet another ambition of hers. Today, Mrs Temitope Akinnawonnu (nee Andre) is a lawyer turned banker and now turned chef cum business woman with her beautiful gifts from God, Temiloluwa and Temitayo. She is today the Chef in charge at Beyond Veneer, an upscale catering outfit with both a mobile kitchen literally bringing the cooking to your doorstep and an Africana restaurant. Beyond Veneer specialises in both local and international cuisine, desserts, mocktails and cocktails as well as bring their added touch of glamour and finesse to your event.

Tope and her bundles of joy

 

 

Chef Topsy Dre at work

 

Beyond Veneer adds glam to your occasion

 

 

Small chops

 

Fruit Salad

 

 

I hope by now you are drooling. Hahaha. This is a massive shout out to a woman of incredible strength, virtue, business acumen and absolutely admirable work ethic. For your next memorable event, please contact Beyond Veneer Cuisine at

Office:  51 road opposite customs block by Nepa office Gowon Estate Iyana Ipaja Lagos. 

Telephone: 08151588885

Instagram: @topsy_dre

 

P.S- Know any woman of virtue around you worth admiring with an inspiring story? Then send us a mail at tythotsville@gmail.com . We will be glad to celebrate her with you.

 

Where Are The Men? (2)

I first wrote about this topic here and  a sermon by my pastor on Sunday, set the tone for the second part of this message. I keep asking this question not because I choose to be unnecessarily hard on our men but then I am reminded of a saying my dear school principal, Mr S.O. Olawuyi bless his sweet soul, used to say to us repeatedly as school prefects  in secondary school,

"Uneasy is the head that wears the crown".

There are clearly spelt out roles God handed down to man in the very beginning. He gave to Adam a garden to tend and generally handed him down a blueprint to rule God's earth. Not like women too were not given the mandate of rule, subdue and dominate but He gave it first to man. Every man who is worth his onions and is of this gender not because his genitals confirm him to be so, ought to be in charge of every Eden God gives Him to tend. This Eden includes his family, his business and even His immediate society.

Alot of things are going wrong in our world because our men do not have a blue print for their lives. How many men have a vision for their family that they have been able to effectively communicate to their significant other? How many men have an idea of the kind of world they want to leave for their children and thus are already enlisting people to help them build it? How many men even have a sense of their worth? How many men are bridging the gap for the generation after them such that even if getting to the promised land does not happen in their lifetime, they would have built solid structures in place to ensure their children gets there? How many men are treating their wives right so their sons learns first hand how it is done? How many men are giving their daughters a good idea of the kind of man they should settle for? How many men are building generational wealth as opposed to subsistence living? How many men are leaving their footprints in the sands of time? How many men are living up to their responsibility as the head of the home  that they are as ordained by God; providing for and watching out for their family. Argue what you will but it is completely an anomaly for a woman to be the breadwinner of the home. Except in  uncontrollable or unforeseen circumstances, that is not how the creator made it to be.

I may be wrong, but I believe some of us women have become self proclaimed feminists because our men have refused to step up to the table. Ouch! This is however not a post to take a swipe at men in general because truth be told we have men in this country that God is using to wake our  men up to be alive to who God originally created them to be.

At this juncture I must not fail to acknowledge the ministry of men like Fela Durotoye (Gemstone Initiative), Pastor Taiwo Odukoya (Discovery for Men) and even my own pastor Dr Olufemi Paul (Excellence in Life)- whose main thrust of message is centred on excellence and boy, don't we need that in this society of ours where mediocrity thrives? These are a few of God's generals amongst others doing the commendable work of raising a formidable army of responsible men who are men in every sense of the word and not sperm donors or baby daddies. In your own immediate constituency what are you doing as THE man?

Again I ask, ''Where are the men?''

Deadly Sleep

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

I know our readers cut across people from different religious leanings but permit me this morning to share with you a loaded nugget of wisdom I discovered from the Bible a while ago. I have been praying with this verse for a  number of years since the day I stumbled on it, but I got fresh insight (did i hear someone say hallelujah? Lol) to the verse on the dawn of this day in question.

"Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved."    Psalm 13:3-4 (KJV)

In times past when I prayed with this verse, I usually took it to mean sleep in its literal sense. This is because I am someone that is naturally blessed with the gift of sleep. I'll explain. I find it strange some times when I hear people say they suffer from insomnia and at the risk of sounding insensitive or shallow, I'm thinking,

"Is it that difficult really to sleep?"

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't have my days of sleepless nights too but most and generally, I find it pretty easy to drift to la-la land in no time so much so that my cheesy response was always a line from one of my many favorite bible verses;

"...for so he giveth his beloveth sweet sleep". Psalm 127:2 (KJV)

There is a kind of sleep called the sleep of death. It is the kinda slumber you fall into when you should be awake because even your enemy ain't sleeping. Sleep here doesn't just mean sleep in it's literal sense but means complacency.

 

Companies who become lethargic and do not constantly, strategically innovate will soon find competition kicking them out of business. It has been proven that one of the secrets of successful people is that they work (also read as strategise) when others are sleeping. Successful people spend fewer hours sleeping and work more. Truth is that alot of us spend times that could otherwise be converted to good use on frivolities during the day and when night comes we are too fagged out to even stay up to do any strategic thinking. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying one should work all through the 24 hours of the day, after all;

'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'

Jesus takes this a notch further when He said,

''I must work the works of Him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work".  John 9:4 (KJV)

Day here refers to one's youthful days. Youth is associated with increased physical strength, vigor, mental alertness while night is the time of old age when typically one is retired and should be taking a break. No matter how much you try to exert yourself at night, your strength will fail because you cannot cheat nature which is why Jesus emphasised that at night time, men can no longer work. Day time is meant for work and applying one's strength, both physical and mental as much as one can. There are risks that you can take during the day time of your life that you cannot venture to take at night otherwise you will die of cardiac arrest.

Day time is not meant for sleeping jokers. It's a time of staying up and working your socks off.

The subsequent verse says that a man that is giving to too much sleep will soon have his enemies mocking him. If you fail to apply yourself to your life's work and strive to leave a legacy behind after you are long gone, you will set yourself up as a candidate of mockery. Unfortunately, it is not only your enemies that will mock you but friends, associates, colleagues and even family members will make you a laughing stock.

"...lighten my eyes that I may not sleep the sleep of death...".

This should be someone's prayer today. As we go about our activities today with a new zest for life and renewed hope to face undauntedly whatever obstacle that may come our way, let us reflect on this word of wisdom and silently pray,

"Dear God, help me not to become complacent in the things that matter that it will not be said of me, "Where were you when your mates were prospering?"

 Photo Credit: Google Images

Shalom.

P.S- I apologise for my loooong silence. I have been (still I'm) on this journey of self discovery and actualisation, therefore I needed some time to refocus and re-strategize. Seeing that I bring you stuff that hopefully inspires you, I wanted to make sure that I also practised what I preached. I hope I am forgiven. Lol

 

What School Does Your Child Attend?

I am supposed to be a teacher by training but because I wanted my reward on earth first before getting it in heaven with a bumper harvest too, I dropped the chalk to join the world of banking before leaving to now do my own stuff. This has however not reduced my love for children and education over the years.

In fact from a young age, I used to say to myself that I'll one day become the Minister of Education in Nigeria but I'll start first by being a Commissioner of the same portfolio in my state. This was informed by my disgust at schools who could not even be classified as a tutorial centre because of the rotten, (for lack of a better word) structures put up as school buildings obviously lacking in basic amenities that could make for conducive learning. What irked me the most was that the proprietors even had the effrontery to add the word 'International' to the name of their schools as well as claim that it is Government Approved.

Even to my young mind then, I used to wonder what sort of irresponsible government approved such schools. Then, public schools were not in such dilapidated conditions like we see them today. The obvious decadence in  our educational sector over the years has now seen a rise in the proliferation of these so called international schools.

Sometime last month, I received the image below in a Whatsapp group. This is supposedly a literature book been used by students in a school. The picture says it all. I remember feeling very sad and exasperated when I saw this image and I am just hoping by God this is some kind of sick joke just meant as comic relief on social media.

Another occurrence is the picture of a giraffe painted on a school fence most likely, been passed off as a mouse. Pray tell, is this some kind of prank or what? The picture went viral and I was hoping by some stroke of luck that the school with such disgraceful painting will get called out. Sad. If this is not a sign of the end time, please tell me what is.

For those already scoffing and priding themselves on been on the better side of the social divide and could possibly never send their children to such schools, hold your horses for a second. There are schools and there are schools. There are schools that are actually involved in the total education (social, moral and intellectual) of the child while there are schools that are just purpose built schools. How do I mean? They are basically buildings (note I didn't say schools) which looking at them seem to have all the trappings of the basic requirements of education; the spacious classrooms, facilities, laboratories, well maintained lawns, serene and generally conducive learning environment. Sadly, that's where the story ends. Schools like these only concern themselves in educating the mind of the children but do nothing about their social and moral education. Such schools abound around us if we pay close attention. The school is all big and beautiful but the students are unruly, the staff look like they were forced to work, even those at the helms of affairs who should know better are not any better.

 

I once went to a school while school hunting for my children in the neighbourhood we had just moved to. After I was taken round this particular school, I made up my mind even before I left the premises that I definitely was not going to take my beauties there. It wasn't because the school building was not up to standard, in fact that was what attracted me in the first place, or that they didn't have the usual requirements for a nursery school. Their reception area was inviting and the receptionist even though warm and polite, looked like she was trying to be upbeat. She got a teacher to take me round the class upon knowing my mission and these were my impressions at the end of the tour:

I couldn't help feeling that the teachers were either poorly paid or ill treated as they were all dragging along like they wished they hadn't come to work or somebody just died. I was forced to ask the receptionist the latter when I got back to her desk and when she answered in the negative, I concluded it had to be the former.

Upon getting to one of the arms of the grade my eldest daughter would be, the sight I met almost made me gasp for air. No exaggeration. While some of the children were jumping from one desk to the other, some were yelling and laughing like it was a competition and wait for it, their teacher was seated right there in class. When I asked if they were on a break of sorts to warrant such pandemonium, she answered,

"No", in a very dismissive and can't-be-bothered tone.
Now you know why I made that decision. Parents, please when school hunting, take the time to do due diligence. Yes I said that because the education of a child is serious business. Beautiful buildings don't make a good school. Neither does the foreign accents of the personnel. Don't be deceived. Ask yourself the following questions the next time you are about to make this kind of decision:

- What is the reputation of the school? What are they popularly known for or known as? Is it just a school to announce your social status or a school that your child can be better in every sense? Education is much more than learning how to read and write or being knowledgeable, it should also help in the social and moral development of a child. Are they big on extracurricular activities? What are the core values of the school?

- What is the atmosphere in the school like? Warm? Hostile? Trust me you can tell this even from one encounter. There is no such thing as a bad or good day. No business should leave its prospective clients with a horrible first impression. Take note of the attitude of as many personnel as you meet as possible. The security, receptionist, teachers, drivers even. Remember, children learn more from what they observe than from what they are told and your child will be spending at least 6 hours, 5 days a week with these people. Does it make sense now?

- What are the natural gifts and talents of your child? Will it find room for expression in the school you are considering or will it be suppressed? Will it be better honed? Do not let proximity and fees alone be the only deciding factors in choosing a school for your child. If the fees are a bit of a challenge, you just might start thinking of setting up an educational trust fund for your children. According to the wise words of Dr Femi Paul, who happens to be my pastor by the way, this is what family planning should be beyond just having well spaced out children. Planning ahead for the future of your children. Can I get an Hallelujah? Lol.

So the next time you want to take your child to that school, make sure you are able to tick check on the factors highlighted which are by no means exhaustive.

 

Be Your Daughter's First Love

Hey good people!
Trust you all had a beautiful holiday. As a banker, I lived for long weekends such as this one we just had. No work for two days with the weekend nicely sandwiched in between. Yummy! Lol.
Today's post is for the fathers and the daughters they adore and it comes with a caveat;

''Read to your advantage''.
Enjoy!

On a particular Father's Day a few years ago, I took the time to reflect on the two most important men in my life besides my brothers that is, and they are my father and husband. As I reflected, I couldn't help drawing more than a few similarities between them both, making me to conclude that when a girl has a good man as a father, she ends up marrying a man just like him.

 

 

How do you become the kind of man your daughter ends up getting married to? How do you show her what love is in its purest form? How do you literally become your daughter's first love? My dad (bless his soul) once told me that if you are ever called upon to exhort or motivate  people and you think you have nothing to say, share your story. Now this explains why I always share a lot of my personal stories on this blog not because I want to be an unnecessarily open book, but rather to share with you a piece of my vulnerability and by so doing, get you to learn a thing or two about how well or how badly I did certain things.

So today as usual, I'll tell my story. More like our stories; my sister and I because our dad was and still remains our first love. He earned this enviable position because right from an age when we could talk and reasonably hold a conversation, our dad constantly paid us huge but sincere compliments. No flattery. And so from a young age, I grew up hearing things like,

"Daughter, you have such a beautiful dentition" *shines teeth*

"You write so well"

In fact, I remember this episode when my dad excitedly made me the subject of his conversation with his friend that came visiting. I was about 7 then. He went on and on about how I love to write and to my chagrin brought out THE notebook (my personal, secret diary that I thought I was the only one that knew about its existence); where I wrote everything that crossed my mind at that age. That picture of him all excited and oozing with so much pride about my writing prowess, is permanently engraved on my mind. I see it now even as I write.

·         Daddy, be the first man to pay your daughter compliments. Start early, when she's old she will never forget and she will not be easily carried away by the sugar coated words flowing like honey from the lips of the many seeds of Adam she will encounter.

 

·         Without being partial to your sons, pay the utmost attention to your daughter(s). Chai my dad spoilt my sister and I with this. We enjoyed his attention and his money too. Lol. It got so good (no I won't say bad) that one time and the only time as a matter of fact, our brothers had to protest. They noticed that everytime our parents travelled, they came back with at least 1 full box for each of us girls while all 4 of them had to share just 1 box of goodies. They couldn't take it anymore and so their self appointed spokesman (lol) said to our dad this one time,

"Why do you always shop for us like we are just 2 when we are 4 and you shop for the girls like they are more than us?"

To this our dad answered,

"You don't know when we (referring to himself and the boys in question) take care of them, it will be difficult for one boy to just sweep them off their feet with gifts".

In effect, the lesson my dad was trying to teach our brothers that day (I hope they got it sha), is that as a man,lavish your daughters, without spoiling them, with love and what money can buy such that when they meet the man of their dreams they are swept away more by who he is and not what he gives. They will not become; to use his words, an 'omo oju o rola ri' that is, children not brought up with money.

·         Be your daughter's number one fan. Be the life patron and chairman of her supporters club. My sister till today keeps missing how my father calls her by her business name with such joy and pride in his eyes.

"Teethreads!" He will say excitedly.

If he saw any beautiful dress on any lady, he will say matter of factly,

"My daughter can make that and even make it more beautiful".

. Have a way of making her know how much you love her. It can be in the pet name you give her. It may be a particular song that you sing to her. Think,

" You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey...please don't take my sunshine away..."

It may be through a playful gesture that you know makes her happy. My dad used to love scratching my head playfully until I told him to stop when I turned 13. Sigh! Talk about teenagers and issues. The day my husband randomly scratched my head just like my dad, it brought back too many memories. In that instant, I became the little girl who always ran excitedly to the door on hearing my daddy's horn.

 

·         Talk to your daughter. I mean talk, gist, and converse. Don't let your only conversation with your daughter be the orders that you give. Some men leave only the mothers to talk with their daughters wondering what they will say to them. Just talk to her like a buddy. It is not so complicated. It is not rocket science. I still have my old phone which has most of my WhatsApp chats with my dad. It feels like talking to an old friend. We go from chatting in proper English to pidgin and then Yoruba. Beautiful memories of a pleasant past.

No matter how old your daughter is now, it's not too late to start. Like they say,

'Better late than never'.

 

 

 

Made For You

Just because Saturdays are for love, romance and weddings...

One of my favorite past times in recent times is watching musical videos, particularly the creatively shot ones with interesting story lines accompanying the songs and not the usual ones of nudely clad ladies in champagne popping scenes which are nothing but soft porn to me but I digress.

On one particular evening while winding down from the day's work, I stumbled on the video of Banky W's single (probably his latest) which featured my now favourite actress, Adesua Etomi. But it was not the beautifully shot video and need I say clean lyrics and by this I mean devoid of lewdness, that caught my attention as much as the song title; Made For You. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine early in the year. He said and I quote,

"God gives you a spouse that will fit into every season of your life".

 

Basically, because He is Omniscience knowing the end from the beginning, He goes straight into your future and He picks for you if you let Him, a spouse that will fit into all the changing seasons of your life. We as humans are limited in our capacity no matter how smart we are as we cannot see beyond our noses. That girl you are so in love with and you think you cannot wait to spend forever and a day more with, may just be a girl fit for the summer of your life. Summer when everything is all bright, sunny and times are good. When winter comes and all is cold, windy and stormy, will she be able to weather that season with you?

That man you think the world of and you worship the very ground he treads on, who happens to have stumbled on you in the spring of your life when you are just starting out and your flower is just blossoming, will he be there in autumn when the leaves start to fall off and wither? Meanwhile because God is God, He knows the one that is just made for you who you may start out with in spring but will be there all through winter, summer and fall.

 

Trust me, oftentimes, this person may not even look like who you want physically but I'll be the first to tell you that longevity in marriage goes beyond just loving the physical appearance. While the appearance may help the chemistry and sparks to fly, it sure takes a lot more than that to hold your spouse down. When we go through tough times like a financial crisis, been knocked down by a terminal illness with death knocking loudly at the door, losing the ability to do something one could effortlessly do before, what will matter to your spouse then is not your beauty, six packs or vital statistics but rather your resilience, care, support and sympathy above all else will be most required at that time. You wouldn't need a soothsayer to tell you that you just lost out if someone less than physically appealing as you happens along at that time and gives that which your spouse needs.

Are you just going to be a spouse for better times only and worse times you go AWOL? As long as man exists, life will always be a continuous cycle of ups and downs, mountains and valleys. You need a spouse that will be there for you at all times. You can only find this spouse through the help of God. Argue what you will.  When you find him or her, then and only then have you found the one that is just Made for You.

 

Think about it.

Reggae Blues

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

For the music lovers, they know the R&B genre of music means Rhythm and Blues but permit me to introduce you to another genre. It's called Reggae Blues.

Sometime last year when I first heard that popular Harrysong's song, Reggae Blues

"After the reggae play the blues..."

I couldn't help feeling like it was a very  silly song but like say dem cast spell on me, I found myself liking the song for the same reason I disliked it for; it's silliness but nevertheless feel good and irresistible danceable beat. Okay now this is a digression from the gist but felt like putting it out here. Hehehehe.

You know the common Wafi saying,

"No let dem use their reggae take spoil your blues"

A lot of us have been subconsciously allowing others to use their reggae to spoil our blues. When you allow others talk fear into you and discourage you from living your dreams because they think it's too big (in whose opinion by the way) for you to achieve or they probably know of some other people who have been trying to achieve same thing like you, to no avail. Maybe they are even the ones that have failed at that same thing you are trying to do and you go on to use that as yardstick, you have simply let them use their reggae to spoil your blues!

 

To buttress this point I'll share a story; my story as usual. A couple of years ago, we used to live in the suburbs of Lagos where there were really no place of fun and interest to take little children. That is if you like me, do not regard eateries as a fun place for children and that was all that was obtainable in the area with exception of a kiddies 'amusement' park. I'm sure the inverted comma says it all.

I was always frustrated to take the children to fun places outside the area. The traffic in and out of the area was a major discouraging factor and so at some point, I started thinking if there were other frustrated mothers like myself who just wanted somewhere to drop their kids while they ran a few errands or to have the much desired me time. I started to make my enquiries, research and consultations and feasibility studies to which I discovered that there were apparently, quite a number of people like me too. I now thought of asking a friend who I felt would know better, what she thought about it. I thought she would 'know better' because she owned a school (like seriously) and so might be able to share a few things about setting up a place (whether school as I was also thinking of after school services, or a fun place) for children forgetting that she did not leave in my part of town (she lived and worked on the Island). This actually matters because whether  we like it or not there is a difference in the psyche and general disposition of people who live on the mainland and those who stay on the Island. I know my Lagos peeps will catch my drift.

Her advice was therefore based on her knowledge at the time for which I do not blame her at all. However, she spoke like an authority on such matters and so by the time she was done analyzing and critiquing my business idea, all my efforts seemed like a sheer waste of time and unfortunately I was not wise enough to sift out the wheat from the chaff from all she said. Na so reggae take enter my blues. I abandoned the dream and never did it till we moved out. Imagine how depressed I was when I went back to the neighborhood and I saw something like what I had in mind.

Before you let anyone's reggae mix with your blues, make sure the person is a skilled deejay. I'll explain by stating the following:

- First off, answer for yourself the reason why you want to do whatever it is you want to do. That is, have a desperate why. This why keeps you focused and keeps the adrenaline pumping no matter what.

 

- Check out whoever is singing this reggae. What are their achievements and antecedents? Antecedents in terms of know how, career or business success and background. Are they talking from a position of constructive criticism or destructive criticism. Is their analysis that deep? Does it require you seeking out a second opinion? Do they point out only the problems without proffering any solution or another way to go about doing things?

 

- Work well on your blues genre such that even when the reggae tries to enter, it will be a complement. Like I said earlier, having done so much work on my research, I should not have swallowed everything my friend told me hook, line and sinker. I should have been able to sift through what she said and make use of what was useful. I guess because it was my first time venturing into a large project like that and then, I knew nothing about doing things in bits and afraid like I talked about here .

When you don't control what you listen to, you permit all sorts to settle in your mind which is why we are told to guard our hearts with all diligence. Think about this the next time you want to listen to other people's reggae while playing your blues.

I will like to hear from you and the 7th person to comment gets a freebie.
Hint: It's something sparkly, a spice of heaven, a collector's item. Go on and comment to find out what it is *wink*. Hahahahaha.

Have a magical Monday.